What are your core values? Is that an easy question to answer or do you find it a bit challenging? There are many definitions of the word “values.” One of my favorite authors, Brené Brown, defines values in her book Dare to Lead as “A way of being or believing that we hold most important.”
We make our decisions based on our values.
We form relationships based on our values.
We take risks based on our values.
We find conflict based on our values–especially when they aren’t being honored.
What is fascinating to me is that we do this whether or not we have identified our values. Being able to not only identify, but also clarify those things that we hold most important allows us to be intentional with how we make our decisions, form relationships, and take risks.
There are an unlimited amount of values out there. All of us find different things that we hold most important. What I love about values is that they can change throughout our life too.
I remember when I first worked on my values. It was when I went through the Transformational Discipleship process. I was partnered with a woman who was about 15 years older than me. I was in the season of young children and was exhausted a lot of the time. We were given a deck of cards that had different values written on each card. As she narrowed her list of what was important to her I was surprised and jealous of the fact that FUN made it into her top 5 values. We were in a safe space to share our feelings so I communicated my (unwarranted) judgement over her value of FUN.
I’m grateful I felt safe enough to share that with her because she took the time to explain that value. She recognized the fact that I was in the middle of mothering young children and many days felt like I was in survival mode. She went on to tell me that her children are all grown and moved out of the house and she and her husband were looking forward to having FUN together.
How amazing was that?!?
This story illustrates a few things of importance:
- Even when you feel like you’re in survival mode, it is important to identify your values.
- Sharing your values with someone else is beneficial to you and to the person with whom you’re sharing.
- There is no place for judgement in identifying your values. Not from others and not from yourself.
- When you decide to be vulnerable with someone, you both are blessed by it.
There are a few ways you can identify your values. One is to download a list of values from here. Read each one and cross off the ones that aren’t as important as the other ones. Keep doing that process until you are down to 4 or 5. Then take the time to write a value statement for each one. This helps you clarify why that value is one of your top values. You can get an idea of what this looks like by reading mine here.
Here are some things to keep in mind as you work through this process:
- There is no room for judgement. If you find yourself thinking “I SHOULD have (fill in blank) as a value,” STOP. If you’re saying “should,” it probably isn’t one of your top values.
- The definitions are yours. You get to decide what each word means. That is why it is important to write value statements.
- This is not an exhaustive list. Feel free to add words that resonate with you better.
- These do change as your seasons change. So come back to this exercise often.
Identifying and clarifying your values are imperative to being intentional about bringing your value to the table. Sharing your values with others helps them understand you better. Knowing other people’s values helps you understand them better. This brings connection between people, and God knows we can all use more connection.
What are your values? I would love to hear them. Or if you would like to work through them together, schedule a complimentary clarity call with me.
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